Christmas can be the most wonderful time of the year, but it can also be one of the most stressful, especially for women who seem to inadvertently accept the role of programme manager for the whole shebang on top of their day job. So how do you ensure you’re more festive than frazzled this year?  

It is no surprise that the Journal of Consumer Marketing reported that women purchase more gifts and do more shopping than the men.  Add to that all the planning of coordinating time with family and friends, getting to see Santa with the kids, and cooking up a batch of mince pies all before you’ve even had to be the hostess with the mostess on the big day!  It is no wonder that we as women can feel like we’re more frazzled than fun to be around at this time of the year. 

The Instagram images and Christmas adverts don’t help with their portrayal of a perfect Christmas with their perfectly laid tables and elegantly lit Christmas trees which clearly haven’t had any little helping hands adorn the perfectly distributed baubles.  Last week I actually found myself contemplating making an iced gingerbread house before I came to my senses and told myself no way Jose!  Of course on reflection I think the idea was subconsciously placed there after watching one of this year's adverts – can you guess which one?

The problem is that the stresses of Christmas are often put upon ourselves with unrealistic expectations as we strive for perfectionism.  Women are generally people pleasers and at Christmas this seems to be multiplied as we try and make Christmas perfect for everyone but ourselves.  

I have to admit I have fallen victim to the Christmas curse of perfectionism.  One year I even succumbed to making my own ketchup and pickled pears along with all the other stuff thanks to a dose of Delia’s specials.  Did it make the day more special? Of course not, as everyone still preferred Heinz anyway it just gave me more unnecessary work to do.  

If we really stop and think about what is important and what we really love about Christmas I’m sure that we would all agree that it is spending time with loved ones and not about the gifts or tucking into homemade Christmas pudding.  As I look back at my fondest memories of Christmases both as a child and as an adult, none of them were perfect but they were all magical and the memories are of the people and not the presents.  One year late on Christmas Eve after all the shops were closed, we discovered that the turkey had gone off.  But even that did nothing to dampen the spirits on the day and we still laugh about it now.

So using the festive word STAR, here’s an easy way to remember our top tips for a sane and stress free Christmas and to ensure we are all bright shining stars:

S  - Stop the shoulds

Last week we asked you to bin the “buts” and this week we want you to stop the “shoulds”.  So if you hear yourself saying “I really should invite the neighbours round for mince pies and mulled wine” change it to a could.  So for example “I could invite neighbours round or I could suggest meeting up for a drink instead”.  Hmm I know which would be less effort!

T – Take time out

Make sure you schedule time in for you to relax and recharge and if you find anything overwhelming remove yourself from the situation and take some deep breaths.  Look at what you enjoy doing at this time of year and prioritise that too. If you feel overwhelmed at all remove yourself from the situation even if it means that you just pretend to go to the toilet to escape. Limit your exposure to social media and if you can take a break from it completely. Social media scrolling is a sure way to end up feeling inadequate as you compare your normal to other peoples branding.

A – Alter your expectations 

It’s time to accept that good enough is better than striving for perfection.  Busting a gut over home-made delights will not make a difference in the scheme of things and instead of worrying if recipients will like the gifts you give just wrap the receipt in with it. Discuss with your family what is important and what you would like to stop doing. You could introduce a secret santa rather than buying everyone gifts or you could decide to swap favours such as babysitting or cooking someone dinner rather than giving shop bought gifts.  

R – Reflect and realign  

Don’t succumb to other people’s traditions and expectations and set your own instead.  Remember you cannot please everyone so instead focus on what matters to you and your family.  Reflect on what is important and realign your priorities accordingly just as you would at work.  And when things don’t go to plan stop and ask yourself, in a year from now will this really matter?    

And most importantly have a Merry Christmas everyone

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Helen is an ILM 7 Executive Coach and Strategy Consultant. She runs her own consultancy, helping organisations and businesses develop strategies to differentiate themselves and grow successfully. She is also a Fellow of the Institute of Leadership and Management.