In my recent article, I talked about the first time I remember being given really constructive, developmental feedback from someone in an informal mentoring situation.

I think it was also possibly the first time I’d been given genuinely constructive feedback in a positive way and again, I often think of this when considering whether to have a similar conversation with someone else. Whilst I don’t go around constantly giving people unsolicited feedback, in the right context I do always try and mention things like this where I think it will be welcomed and helpful, especially when I can back it up by talking about my own experience in a similar situation. 

Something that women with years of experience under their belt tend to have is a lot of self-awareness, and sometimes that can make us hold back too much in certain situations. Giving advice can be one of them. 

We’ve probably all been on the receiving end of unsolicited advice that isn’t helpful or constructive. At best, it is irritating, and at worst it can be damaging to your confidence. And having all been there, it’s natural to hold back from offering advice or feedback to others, especially when they haven’t explicitly asked for it. 

But if you pick your moment, and read the context of the situation, then advice, guidance or a different perspective can genuinely be very welcome. I’ve worked quite a bit with colleagues on graduate schemes and other development programmes during my career, and the thing that they all have in common is that they are there to learn. 

Offering advice, suggestions and feedback, in the right situation, has usually gone down really well and will be appreciated, particularly if you’ve already earned their respect as someone who knows what they are doing, and therefore whose opinion will be valuable. 

It’s important, though, to make sure you don’t come across - or feel like you’re coming across - as a know-it-all, a ‘fixer’ or someone who just blurts out unsolicited advice all the time. 

Here are some techniques and phrases you can consider using to make it easier to give advice, and more comfortable for you and the person receiving it:

• “Would you like a suggestion from me?”

• “I might have a different perspective on this. Would it be helpful if I shared?”

• “I had a similar experience to that in the past. Would you like me to tell you how I handled it?”

• “In your situation, what I would consider doing is…”

• “You could think about…”

• “When this happened to me, I decided to do X and the result was Y.”

• “I thought you handled that challenge really well today. If it happens again, you could also try…”

Also, don’t forget that giving positive feedback without being asked for it can be incredibly powerful. Just because someone looks like they’re confident in what they’re doing, it doesn’t mean that they feel that way on the inside (we’ve all been there, right?!) so telling them they did a great job never goes amiss. Here are some more phrases to try:

• “I really enjoyed your presentation today. I learned a lot and you presented really confidently!”

• “You came across really well in that meeting today. You handled the challenges brilliantly.”

• “I can tell you did a lot of preparation for that session today, it really paid off!”

• “I just wanted to let you know, you are doing a great job.”

• “Thank you for your input today, you’ve been invaluable to the team.”

• “I’ve really enjoyed meeting you. You made me feel [positive feeling].”

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Written by Hannah Poulton

Co-founder of Nonpareil Network.

Hannah is a portfolio Marketing Director. She is also a Non Executive Director for the Welsh Cycling Union and a Lay Member for the British Chiropractic Council. She also volunteers as a Magistrate and is a Lay Member for NHS Blood and Transplant.