Time to take back control in an uncertain world
What a crazy time this last 21 months has been. If we think back to tucking into our Christmas dinner in 2019, I’m sure not many of us were envisaging the years unfolding as they have done, with a merciless pandemic in full force. And now with this new strain, many feel helpless and not in control as the threat of new restrictions are imposed upon them. But we can focus our energy to look at what is in our direct control to ensure we don’t become overwhelmed with the current situation.
As we approached this winter, whilst not fully back to normal, we had begun to get used to most things being open again, albeit with some restrictions still in place. But now we’ve been hit yet again with the news of a super spreading variant. Restrictions have been reintroduced and there is uncertainty over whether further restrictions will be put in place.
With such ambiguity it is difficult to plan, we feel helpless to the circumstances imposed upon us and the unrest can do havoc to our emotional well-being. Many of my friends are openly dreading the prospect of juggling work with the risk of home schooling resurfacing in January. Not to mention the persistent worry for many about them or loved ones catching the virus.
Whilst things may not be the way that we want them to be, for the most part it helps if we take a step back and consider what is in our control and what isn’t. We can’t control what happens with regard to restrictions but we can control how we react and how we respond to what is happening. Whilst it might not be easy we can try to focus our efforts in the space of what is in our power to change. If we focus our efforts here, we will minimise being bogged down by worrying about things we have no say or influence over.
The circle of control is a great tool to use when we are feeling overwhelmed or when we feel that we are losing the reigns on what is happening in our lives. The model is based on Stephen Covey’s ‘Circle of Concern’ which is a tool to help our resilience by looking at where we focus our time and energy. His book the ‘Seven Habits of Highly Effective People’ is very much worth a read if you haven’t already.
The inner circle, labelled the circle of control is where we have direct control over. This is where we can make changes and effect the outcome. The middle circle is where we have influence over, we don’t have direct control but we can take actions to influence them by our own actions. For example someone else’s behaviour could be addressed by you talking to them about it or giving them feedback.
The outside circle is out of your control and where you have no influence in terms of what happens. The current restrictions (unless you are in government of course) being an example. It is the biggest circle because in our lives and in the world there are so many things in life that we can’t control. But you can choose how you react to things in this circle, for example reducing your exposure to the news if you find it distressing.
The point of the circle is that if we spend too much time worrying about the outer circle we will feel helpless and this won’t be good for you.
So using the model, draw out your three circles. Then first write down all the things that are bothering you. Look at everything you have written down and try and decide where they could fit in your circle. Ask yourself “can I directly control what I have identified?”, then add these to your circle of control. You may feel that there is little that you can directly control, so in these cases ask yourself “can I influence them?”
Once you have found a home for each of your stresses in the circle it is time to look at what you can do to either change things directly or by influencing the change in some way. Come up with an action plan and pick and action or one to tackle everyday.
The point is to spend your time and efforts on what you can change and not on what you cannot.
“Lord, grant me the strength to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”
We’re signing off now for a couple of days, so all that is left for us to do, is to wish you all a merry and safe Christmas. See you on the other side!
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Written by Helen Sandford-Taylor
Co-Founder of Nonpareil Network
Helen is an ILM 7 Executive Coach and Strategy Consultant. She runs her own consultancy, helping organisations and businesses develop strategies to differentiate themselves and grow successfully. She is also a Fellow of the Institute of Leadership and Management.
