Celebrating your own success; it’s not always easy
“Believe in yourself and your own sucess”
Whether you’re speaking out about your own achievements or simply trying to motivate yourself and feel positive about what you’re doing, it’s sometimes hard to feel unequivocally proud of yourself.
We come from a generation of women who were mostly brought up to be humble and self-effacing. For as long as I can remember, I’ve felt uncomfortable with compliments. I did well at school in most subjects but would always downplay my success as I didn’t want to appear boastful, smug or somehow dismissive to those who weren’t doing so well.
To this day, I have to try really hard not to respond to a “I love your outfit” comment with “Oh really, do you think it’s okay, I wasn’t sure if it made me look fat!” or something along those lines. It seems wrong to just accept the compliment with a graceful “thank you” or even a “thank you, I love it too!” – which is crazy really, because if I didn’t think it was a nice outfit, I wouldn’t have bought it in the first place.
Women who work hard and succeed in their careers are often reluctant to talk about their achievements. There’s a fear of appearing boastful, proud or over-confident. Then there’s the added worry of putting ourselves out there and being criticised for something unrelated to our success – perhaps a comment on our looks or what we are wearing from someone who thinks we deserve to be taken down a peg or two for daring to say we’ve achieved something.
But we believe that women need to stand by their success and let people around them see it too. We hear a lot about celebrating other women’s successes and it definitely feels like, as a society, we are getting better at this. But what about our own successes?
Gratitude journals are a nice step towards a more positive mindset - but there’s a danger that by focusing too much on what we should be grateful for, again we play down our own contribution and hard work and put it all down to chance or good luck. I feel grateful and lucky that I have good friends, for example - and there’s an element of luck involved, of course. But all relationships require effort - and to attract good friends, you need to be a good person. So there’s an element of personal success alongside the pure chance of meeting those people you click with.
One way of looking at it is that owning and talking about your own success inspires those around you. Women such as Sheryl Sandberg and Baroness Brady, CBE have inspired women to step up and take their place in the boardroom. Baroness Mone of Mayfair, OBE and Oprah Winfrey are among those who have encouraged women to work towards an entrepreneurial dream. These women are not shy to speak out about their own achievements. Of course, this goes hand in hand with openness about the hardships and challenges they have faced along the way. But they don’t feel the need to qualify every success or positive statement about themselves with a ‘but’ or something to balance it out.
If it’s been ingrained in you for years that it’s not polite or seems big-headed to talk about your own success, then start with some small steps! Taking the time to privately note your achievements or celebrating with family or close friends can be a huge motivator. Actively recognising something you can feel proud of should give you a buzz that will help push you forward towards achieving more of your goals. And if you really analyse your achievements, you’ll be sure to find some learnings that you can apply in the future – things that worked well, and new skills you’ve acquired along the way, perhaps without realising it.
At the Nonpareil Network, we want to normalise talking openly and confidently about our own success, just as much as we share challenges and difficulties we are facing. After all, how can we celebrate each other’s successes if we don’t know about them? And above all, we want to inspire the next generation of women in business to be confident and to own their success from the outset. That is why we have introduced Toot Your Own Horn Tuesday to ensure that we celebrate our successes, however small, every week.
Here are our top tips to help you celebrate, own and be proud of your own successes and achievements: -
Do a weekly reflection and note down things you’re proud of, milestones you’ve achieved and anything new you’ve learned. You could combine this with a gratitude journal, but don’t forget to give yourself credit where it’s due - not everything is down to pure good fortune.
View successes as learning and development opportunities: what did you learn along the way? Where have you come from and where are you now?
Share your learnings with others, via mentoring, coaching or training, and talk about how what you learned has contributed to your successes - this is a great way to inspire future generations who are genuinely eager to hear about other people’s successes so they can aspire to the same!
Find a good friend or trusted circle and agree that you’ll share successes with each other as and when they come along, without fear of being labelled as boastful or full of yourself.
Keep your CV and LinkedIn profile up to date, even if you’re not actively looking for work. This is a great way of recording and remembering your achievements, past and present.
Don’t forget to #Tootyourownhorntuesday and share your successes with us.
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Written by Hannah Poulton
Co-founder of Nonpareil Network.
Hannah is a portfolio Marketing Director. She is also a Non Executive Director for the Welsh Cycling Union and a Lay Member for the British Chiropractic Council. She also volunteers as a Magistrate and is a Lay Member for NHS Blood and Transplant.
