Giving bad news doesn’t have to be that bad

One of the unavoidable things that comes with senior responsibility at work, particularly responsibility for managing people and resources, is the need to sometimes deliver bad news. 

Whether it’s letting someone know they haven’t got a job that they’ve applied for, telling a supplier that they didn’t win a pitch or even imparting the news of disciplinary action or an unwelcome restructure or redundancy, you will almost certainly find yourself having to be the bearer of bad news on occasion.

No doubt you’ll also find yourself on the receiving end of some of these conversations too - and you’ll have had good and bad experiences of being given bad news. Think about some of them now: which were the most memorable? And how did you come away from them feeling - about yourself and about the person giving the news? 

It’s never going to be the favourite part of anyone’s role, but there are ways you can tackle it to make it less of a negative experience for the recipient of the news, which in turn makes it less uncomfortable for you having to deliver the news. In some cases, you’ll probably never see the person again, but in others, you may need to maintain a good relationship even if it’s bad news in this particular scenario - for example, where a supplier hasn’t been successful for a particular piece of work, but they could be exactly what you need for a future project, so you don’t want to burn any bridges.

Bad news delivered kindly and constructively is more likely to be received in a positive and open way, avoiding conflict or hostility, so whilst we should never make the situation about us instead of the person receiving the news, doing it well will undoubtedly make it an easier process for everyone concerned. 

We’ve put together some dos and don’ts for when you find yourself having to deliver bad news.

DO

Prepare.

If you’re telephoning someone or meeting them to deliver bad news, take the time to prepare what you are going to say. Make some notes and think about what questions they might have, and take a deep breath before you start speaking. If you feel confident going into the conversation, you’re more likely to deliver the news in a calm way, which in turn will be reassuring for the recipient. If they’re feeling stressed, worried or upset, the last thing they want is for you to be coming across as nervous or flustered. 

Allow plenty of time - and consider your timing.

Recognise that the person you are speaking to may have immediate questions and allow plenty of time for the conversation so you can answer their queries. They may also be a reflector who will go away and think of other things they want to ask. Allow time for the initial conversation, but also make yourself available for a follow up if they need one. If you’re telling someone they’ve been unsuccessful in an interview, for example, you could give them the news and offer them feedback either now, or in a day or two when they’ve had time to digest the news and are therefore more likely to be able to take the feedback in calmly. Also consider when you’re giving the bad news. Late in the day is generally not ideal because there’s no opportunity for the person to come back to you with questions. Neither is it ideal to do it when you’ve got to rush off somewhere else shortly afterwards. If the person is upset or wants to talk things through, they deserve to be given time to feel heard and understood.

Be direct.

This may seem obvious, but make sure you’re really clear in the information you’re giving. We can have a tendency to try and soften bad news by using unclear language. But it’s better to be direct and not leave any room for doubt. This also goes for ‘cutting to the chase’ and not having a long build up to giving someone the bad news. If you’ve called someone following an interview, they’re going to want to know whether they’ve got the job or not, not have five minutes of chat or general feedback telling them that they did really well at interview before you give them the outcome. Even if the feedback you’re giving them is valuable, they won’t be in the right mindset to take it in when all they want is for you to tell them if it’s a yes or a no.

Have support in place if necessary.

If the news you’re imparting is something particularly difficult, such as disciplinary action or risk of redundancy, make sure you have support in place. If your organisation has a HR department, they should be engaged with you on this, but make sure you’ve got enough information to be able to give the person the detail they need, and also to be able to refer them elsewhere if they need further support. HR should also support you if there’s a particular process you need to follow from a legal or policy perspective, but if there are relevant organisational policies make sure you are familiar with them beforehand.

Offer constructive feedback.

When it’s an interview or pitch outcome, always make sure you give some genuine constructive feedback that can be actioned. There are few things more frustrating than coming away from a situation knowing you’ve been unsuccessful but not having any idea of what you could have done differently. And don’t forget to give positive feedback as well: let them know the good points as well as the areas for improvement. 

DON’T

Make it about you.

Even if the conversation is a difficult one for you, it’s going to be far worse for the recipient. Don’t make it about you by saying things like “Oh gosh, I hate giving bad news!”, “This is difficult for me too” or “If it’s any consolation, I didn’t sleep last night thinking about having to tell you this news.” (I was once on the receiving end of that last comment and I can confirm that it was not any consolation!)

Use flowery language or waffle. 

We all have a tendency to try and soften the blow when delivering bad news, but generally people appreciate clarity and directness. Avoid using meaningless or irrelevant phrases - “I’m afraid you’ve not been successful” is sufficient. There’s no need to add “on this occasion” - you both know that you’re referring to this occasion, and unless there’s a future opportunity in the pipeline, this is pretty irrelevant. 

Hide behind email or text message.

If someone has gone to the effort of attending an interview, which often involves a lot of preparation time, or preparing a pitch to deliver to you in person, it is unforgivable to deliver bad news via email or text message. The least you can do is telephone them and offer feedback, however uncomfortable you may find it. Again, it’s far worse for them than it is for you, and your own discomfort is not a good enough reason not to take the time to deliver news personally. It also reflects really badly on organisations and individuals within them if bad news isn’t given in a respectful way.

Make assumptions about how the person is feeling.

Try and avoid phrases like “I know you’re going to be really disappointed/upset”. Only the person you’re talking to knows how they are feeling, and although it’s good to try and put yourself in someone else’s shoes, you don’t need to tell them that’s what you’re doing. Try to keep the conversation factual. If they do express emotions, you can empathise with them, but don’t make assumptions about how they might be feeling. 

Only give feedback that the person can’t influence. 

Sometimes the reason why someone didn’t get a job or win a piece of business may genuinely be that someone else was better than them. This may be reassuring for them to know that their performance wasn’t terrible, but it isn’t helpful for anyone who wants to improve and do better next time. Try and find some constructive feedback you can give them around development areas that they can personally influence. Also avoid giving reasons that could have been covered off prior to interview because they don’t have industry experience. It may have been a contributing factor, but you would have known this from their CV before inviting them to interview and it’s just frustrating for them to be told this at a late stage because there’s nothing they could have done in their interview to change this. 

As a final note, however well you prepare and however positively you try to approach these situations, there will almost certainly be the odd occasion where someone takes news very badly and becomes upset or angry, which is an understandable response in some particularly tricky situations. However, if you’ve done your best to tackle the conversation as well as you can, you’ll be better equipped to deal with any negative reactions, and you’ll be coming from a stronger position to manage it too. 

Good luck with any conversations you need to have and let us know if you have any tips or experiences to share.

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Written by Hannah Poulton

Co-founder of Nonpareil Network.

Hannah is a portfolio Marketing Director. She is also a Non Executive Director for the Welsh Cycling Union and a Lay Member for the British Chiropractic Council. She also volunteers as a Magistrate and is a Lay Member for NHS Blood and Transplant.