I’m not ok - but I will be

It is not always easy to admit that we’re not ok, but often that is the first step to take before feeling better. October 10th was World Mental Health Day so in this weeks post we have shared our experience of metal health along with some some strategies for looking after your mood and wellbeing. Knowing that we need to work on our own happiness and proactively put in place strategies to ensure that we are generally ok is a key part of healing.

I’d never been someone who had to work on my mental health.  I’ve generally been a happy, glass half full type of person.  But then a couple of things happened; my father’s cancer returned along with a poor prognosis, coronavirus hit and threw us into a world none of us were prepared for and my business was put on hold as I turned into a full-time home-schooling parent.  Everything I knew about my life and took for granted had changed in a matter of weeks along with everyone elses of course.

The first lockdown was largely fun, a novelty even.  We spent quality family time in the sunshine, there were lots of bike rides on quiet roads, long walks, plenty of gardening and of course our daily p.e. sessions with Joe.  Whilst there was the threat of Covid, as we were all hiding away, the risk to us seemed minimal.  There was also that feeling of us all being in it together as we clanged our pots and saucepans every Thursday evening and put rainbows in our windows.  In light of what others had to go through during this time, I also knew we were incredibly lucky as if I’m honest, for us as a family, the first lockdown ended up feeling like a long overdue holiday.

But then things started to open up again.  There was a new normal, but it felt like no normal we’d ever known.  We still couldn’t socialise and interact as we had before and we were now wearing masks which hid any smiles and stilted the small talk.  I still haven’t got over that feeling that we’re about to rob a bank whenever we put them on. Despite shops and restaurants opening up we just stayed away from it all, opting for deliveries and takeaways instead as we were too frightened to pass anything on to my dad. 

For the first time in my life I really didn’t feel in control. 

Then the second lock down hit and I didn’t like it one bit. People seemed generally grumpier this time around. The weather was miserable and Christmas was pretty much cancelled. We did have my family round for Christmas which I will always be grateful for as a couple of weeks after Christmas my father passed away.  Something none of us were prepared for, not that you can ever prepare for the loss of a loved one.

Positive psychology was something I had studied in order to better help my clients.  But it wasn’t something I had ever had to consciously apply to myself.  But I was now in a position where I was not ok.  I’m not saying I ever really had mental health issues but I did feel overwhelmed with grief. I also felt trapped because of the lockdown and friends couldn’t visit in the usual way to pay their respects. But I also felt like I shouldn’t be feeling the way I was.  Other people had it far worse than me still and I felt that I should be coping better.

So I started to consciously apply the learnings from positive psychology.  I downloaded the Headspace App and I started to meditate.  I factored in exercise into my week both with the couch to 5k and with regular Joe Wicks HIT workouts.  I ensured that I got out for a walk in nature every single day without fail and I started a gratitude journal.               

What I found during this process is that I could work on my happiness levels.  As the research had suggested, all this stuff makes a huge difference to mental health.  Doing a HIT workout when I least felt like doing it, was exactly the time for me to do it.  Similarly when I felt like I didn’t have the time to meditate, that was when I needed it and benefited from it the most.  

Almost a year on I am still coping with the grief of losing my dad as he has left such a hole in our lives. But at least I have learnt first hand the importance of not taking your mental health for granted and I have strategies in place to help me feel ok.  

Of course this is just my experience and no two experiences are the same. But the biggest piece of advise I can give is to not keep quiet and try and hide it. In addition to the strategies below, the single most important thing I found that helped was talking to my friends and family about my feelings.  If you are struggling remember there are lots of great resources out there and speaking to a health professional may be what you need to help put you on the right track. The more we talk about how we are feeling and share if we are not ok, the more we can normalise mental health issues and ensure that people are getting the support they need.     

The following strategies are all proven to help your general mood and well being.  The key is to try them and then pick the ones that work best for you.

• Go for walks in nature

Walking outdoors will increase your daily dosage of vitamin D, increase oxygen to the brain which in turn improves attention levels and focus and is also mood boosting.  Oh and it can even lower your blood pressure.

• Do something nice for someone else

Whether it is walking your neighbours dog or passing on a good book, small acts of kindness go a long way.  Being nice to others and will leave you with a helpers high which can last all week.

• Exercise regularly 

Exercise increases endorphins which are natural uplifting mood enhancers.  It also increases serotonin which helps to regulate your sleep and general mood. In people who exercised very little it was also seen to work better than anti-depressants.

• Learn something new

Learning new things helps to ensure a growth mindset which is proven to help us better navigate through stress. A learning mind leads to a stronger mind which helps build resilience.   

• Connect with others

Social connections offer mental health benefits such as feelings of belonging and improved self worth which in turn helps our stress levels. So get in touch with a friend and go for a natter over a cuppa.

What mood boosting strategies work best for you?

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Written by Helen Sandford-Taylor

Co-Founder of Nonpareil Network

Helen is an Executive Coach and Strategy Consultant. She runs her own consultancy, helping organisations and businesses develop strategies to differentiate themselves and grow successfully. She is also a Fellow of the Institute of Leadership and Management.