Lonely at the top
Whilst career progression is great, for women, a senior role can be a lonely place. We look at why this might be - and why friendships are really important, but not always for life!
Some friendships don’t last forever…
...and that’s not necessarily a bad thing.
There’s a saying that I used to love: Friends for a reason, a season or a lifetime. I still like it, but my sentiments around it have changed. In my 20s and early 30s, I fiercely believed I’d stay friends with everyone in my close circle forever and that the ‘lifetime’ group was the only type of friendship to aim for.
That hasn’t happened. And I’m fine with it!
I realise now that all three are valid and worthwhile friendships to be treasured. Whereas I used to think that being friends for a reason seemed shallow, now I know that some friendships come along to support you through something specific or teach you a life lesson.
Being friends for a season used to make me feel sad, that a friendship would come to an end after a time - but again, I now look back fondly on friendships that endured through time with a particular employer, or living in a particular area, but didn’t last once one of us moved on. Others naturally drifted as our lives took different paths and we grew apart. Sometimes, people change - or life and distance simply get in the way.
Of course, lifetime friendships do happen - and are the ones I probably treasure most of all, but they are rare, and sometimes difficult to sustain, however good your intentions may be.
The other thing I’ve really come to value are friendships made later in life. I love meeting new people, and there are a handful of people I’ve met relatively recently that have become close - hopefully lifetime - friends.
As a woman, when you become more senior at work, sometimes it can be harder to make friends. Your peer group is limited, and female colleagues are sadly not always as supportive of each other as we’d hope. I know when I first took on a management role, I felt quite uncomfortable socialising with people in my team and deliberately stepped back from going on nights out as the words of a very old school boss from some years back that “you can’t run with the hare and hunt with the hounds” were still ringing in my ears. I think this does get easier as you progress and become more comfortable with a senior position, but it’s still sometimes tough to form proper friendships at work.
Likewise, if you’re going it alone as a business owner or sole trader, the opportunities to make friends through work are very limited.
Outside work, it’s easier to make friends, but maybe harder to find friends who share the same professional challenges as you. You might have great friends that you’ve met through your children’s school, at the gym or running club, or even old school or university friends that you’re still in touch with. But it’s likely that old friends’ lives will have evolved in different directions. Who do you turn to that will really understand when you’re facing a tough decision at work, struggling with relationships with colleagues or facing a career dilemma?
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Written by Hannah Poulton
Co-founder of Nonpareil Network.
Hannah is a portfolio Marketing Director. She is also a Non Executive Director for the Welsh Cycling Union and a Lay Member for the British Chiropractic Council. She also volunteers as a Magistrate and is a Lay Member for NHS Blood and Transplant.
